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The 10 Most Memorable Bachelor Parties on Film

[This article first appeared April 23, 2008, on premiere.com.]

That last night of freedom never quite seems to go according to plan for on-screen grooms-to-be, does it?

Hey, you guys know how it goes. One of your best friends is finally settling down and getting married, so you take it upon yourselves to give him a night on the town he’ll never forget. As always, though, after a few hours of drinks, cigars and handfuls of dollar bills, one of you accidentally kills a hooker and the lot of you need to bury her corpse in the desert. Happens to the best of us, right?

OK, so maybe not every stag involves such Very Bad Things, but here are some of the most memorable bachelor parties in all of cinema. Warning: spoilers and donkey shows abound.

10. The Groomsmen (2006)

Man of the hour: Ed Burns as Paulie.

The set-up: Burns’s crew of family and friends (John Leguizamo, Matthew Lillard, Donald Logue and Jay Mohr) reunite for his wedding, and old rivalries and grievances come to the fore. Rather than going the traditional bachelor party route, however, the gang decide to play a game of early morning softball — much to the chagrin of Logue (as Burns’s brother, Jimbo), who declares they should be “gettin’ a limo, packin’ it full of strippers, and gettin’ … you know … all the way to Atlantic City!”

What could possibly go wrong? Under the morning sun, Paulie and Jimbo both call a fly ball that ends up dropping to the ground. Under normal circumstances, this would be a cause for, well, nothing. It’s a dropped fly ball during a bachelor party softball game. However, due to some residual bitterness from Jimbo earlier voicing concerns about Paulie’s decision to get married, an F-bomb laden screaming match erupts and boils over into a fist-fight between the feuding brothers, ending with Paulie telling Jimbo he’s no longer his best man. Jimbo, clearly in no hurry to be the bigger man, tells him that he’s the center fielder, damn it, and that was his ball to catch. Hey, priorities.

9. Made (2001)

Man of the hour: Jonathan Silverman as “The Bachelor.”

The set-up: OK, Silverman’s not really the focal point of the scene. Bobby Ricigliano (Jon Favreau) accompanies his stripper girlfriend, Jessica (Famke Janssen), to Silverman’s hotel room: she to put on a show for the bachelor and his friends (including Rage Against the Machine guitarist Tom Morello as the best man), and Bobby to act as a bodyguard for Jessica.

What could possibly go wrong? Well, if Silverman couldn’t keep his hands off a dead guy, how could he resist keeping his mitts off of Janssen? (Yes, that was a Weekend at Bernie’s joke. I’m sorry. I’m really, really sorry.) After an initial reminder of the “No Touching” rule, Silverman grabs the back of Janssen’s head and encourages her to simulate oral sex. Favreau flies off the handle and delivers an offscreen beat-down to The Single Guy, complete with clattering metal, breaking glass and sad, sad wangs.

8. White Palace (1990)

Man of the hour: Jason Alexander as Neil.

The set-up: Alexander’s nebbish Neil is secondary to Max Baron (James Spader), the brooding and immaculate widower who shows up to Neil’s bachelor party in his best Fred Astaire tux. The party is populated by pale, lawyerly types for whom the dancing, nipple-tasseled policewoman is a thrill nonpareil, but aside from the occasional friendly greeting, Max seems determined to have as little fun as possible.

What could possibly go wrong? Max’s one duty — to bring 50 White Palace burgers for the party-goers — is a failure, as he realizes he’s been shorted six burgers. Ignoring the pleas of the guests, he treks back to the fast food joint and demands his money back from the sassy cashier, Nora (Susan Sarandon). Change in hand, he gets back to the party just in time for a slideshow of embarrassing photos, only for the machine to freeze up on a pristine portrait of his dead wife, Janey. Grim smiles all around.

Max hits a bar on the way home and runs into Nora, who proceeds to put the moves on him — to which he is decidedly unreceptive — until they share a moment over deceased relatives (her son died of leukemia). He finally agrees to give her a ride home, only to doze off drunk behind the wheel and drives over her mailbox, much to her delight. After brief protestation, carnal pleasures ensue.

7. A Guy Thing (2003)

Man of the hour: Jason Lee as Paul Morse.

The set-up: The movie opens at Paul’s bachelor party, a tiki-themed affair featuring a cover band playing the world’s worst version of Iggy Pop’s “Lust for Life.” Paul’s brother, Pete (Thomas Lennon), the self-proclaimed boring lawyer to Paul’s “wild man,” approaches him to gush about Paul’s fiancee, Karen (Selma Blair), but mostly complains about his own failed marriage. “Maybe your marriage didn’t work,” Paul says, “because you had too much fun at the bachelor party.” Foreshadowing!

What could possibly go wrong? Paul tries to maintain a low profile, but is approached by tiki girl Becky (Julia Stiles), who asks him to buy her a drink. He wakes up beside her the next morning, unable to remember how she got there, and promptly asks her to leave, reassuring her the whole time he’s actually a very nice guy. He tells himself he’ll never see her again, though … until he realizes she’s the cousin of his fiancee. But, in a shocking (shocking!) turn of events, Paul must ask himself which woman is, in fact, the right one for him.

6. The Wedding Singer (1998)

Man of the hour: Matthew Glave as Glenn Gulia.

The set-up: So, it’s not not quite a bachelor party — more of a “pre-bachelor party party,” as Glenn the cheating jerk tells Adam Sandler’s Robbie Hart — when Glenn and his crew of friends (and loose women) run into Sandler and co. (Allen Covert and old man Carmen Filpi, who is somehow not the same guy who played “Blue” in Old School) outside a bar.

What could possibly go wrong? There’s a bit of rivalry going on between Glenn and Robbie over the noble pursuit of Drew Barrymore’s hand in marriage, with Robbie incensed that Glenn cheats on her with no remorse. Preparing for a throw-down, Filpi steps in and throws a limp-wristed lob at Glenn, prompting more confusion than anything else. (“I’m sorry,” he says, “I used to be much stronger.”) Glenn then clocks Robbie, sending the lowly wedding singer to the ground, and tells him he should write a song about the tussle: “I Got Punched in the Nose for Sticking My Face in Other People’s Business.” Kind of a dick move, but at least it was a hilarious joke.

5. Clerks II (2006)

Man of the hour: Brian O’Halloran as Dante Hicks.

The set-up: Randal (Jeff Anderson) is understandably upset that his best friend, Dante, is leaving New Jersey (and the Mooby’s fast-food joint at which they work) to live a quiet, domesticated life with his fiancee, Emma (Jennifer Schwalback Smith). To show there are no hard feelings, though, Randal throws Dante a going-away/bachelor party.

What could possibly go wrong? Randal’s version of a bachelor party, of course, involves a performance of what may be delicately referred to as “inter-species erotica,” starring a donkey named Kinky Kelly and its overweight leather-daddy wrangler, the Sexy Stud. To make things worse, the Stud brings a fog machine that prompts a call to the fire department, who show up along with the police, Mooby’s manager Becky (Rosario Dawson) and Emma, Dante’s unimpressed fiancee. Everybody is thoroughly disgusted (albeit fascinated) by the show, aside from Mooby’s employee Elias, who ends up masturbating while wailing tearful apologies to Jesus.

4. The 40 Year Old Virgin (2005)

Woman of the hour: Denise Meyerson as Robin.

The set-up: Yeah, Meyerson and most other members of her bachelorette party — who are “wigging out” in colorful wigs! — take a backseat to Steve Carell’s virginal Andy and Leslie Mann’s falling down-drunk Nicky. Stepping away from the party, they share a moment in which she remarks on his “kind eyes” and he giggles that her hands are on his belt. She throws back another two shots and they head out to her car.

What could possibly go wrong? Thinking nothing of it, naive (and sober) Andy blows into Nicky’s court-mandated Breathalyzer, allowing her to turn on her car and drive blind stinking drunk through the crowded streets. After a treacherous trip spent scraping along parked cars, dodging moving ones and raving about cheating men, getting her period and … french toast, Nicky t-bones a Buick and spews up a stomach-full of bad shellfish all over Andy; for some reason, he declines her polite offer to still have sex with him. Mostly, though, she’s just relieved she won’t have to work out the next day.

3. Bachelor Party (1984)

Man of the hour: Tom Hanks as Rick Gassko.

The set-up: Catholic school bus-driving party animal Hanks surprises his group of meathead friends with the shocker that he’s getting married in a week to Tawny Kitaen (in a star turn as Debbie). Naturally, they all agree they must throw him the wildest bachelor party ever, including essential items such as, “Chicks and guns and fire trucks! Hookers and drugs and booze!”

What could possibly go wrong? Primarily, Cole (Robert Prescott), Debbie’s jealous ex-boyfriend, is intent on sabotaging the party and stealing away Debbie, and employs tactics such as (1) rerouting the party’s hookers to Debbie’s bridal shower and (2) firing a crossbow into the party from an adjacent hotel room.

Not to fear, though! A whole new set of hookers shows up, along with what appears to be everybody else in the hotel to celebrate Rick’s big night. The night takes a tragic turn, however, when the donkey show’s (why is there always a donkey show?) mule component eats a bunch of pills, snorts a few lines of coke and ends up dying in the middle of the party. The guests are mortified momentarily, but are mollified when Rick’s crew disposes of the carcass in the elevator. Of course they do.

Oh, and at some point, Debbie’s uppity father storms in and ends up tied to a bed, decked out in bondage gear and getting worked on a couple whores of his own (albeit unwillingly). Hey, if you want high-minded comedy, go rent Porky’s.

2. I Married a Monster From Outer Space (1958)

Man of the hour: Tom Tryon as Bill Farrell.

The set-up: Tryon and his cadre of He-Man Woman-Haters sit around a pub table, trading barbs about the horrors of domesticated life and generally busting the groom-to-be’s chops. He can’t stay long, though: he promised his fiancee, Marge (Gloria Talbott), that he wouldn’t be out late, and so he heads on home.

What could possibly go wrong? While driving along a wooded path, he screeches to a halt when he sees a lifeless body lying on the ground. He gets out of the car to investigate, only to see the body is missing. Chalking it up to hitting the bottle a bit too hard, he turns around to get back in his car and is attacked by a damned alien creature that inhabits his body and turns him into one of the first of a race of space invaders. And he thought his wife would drain him of his life force! Am I right, fellas?

1. Very Bad Things (1998)

Man of the hour: Jon Favreau as Kyle Fisher.

The set-up: Favreau and crew (Leland Orser, Jeremy Piven, Christian Slater and Daniel Stern) set out for Vegas with a night of coke- and alcohol-fuelled debauchery in mind, and proceed to star in one of the most thoroughly disturbing films ever made.

What could possibly go wrong? Well, once the stripper/prostitute (porn star Kobe Tai) shows up to the hotel room and Piven’s Michael whisks her away to the bathroom for a $500 special, the rest of the boys stay behind to do more shots, snort more lines and wrestle for some reason. Things come to a head when Orser’s Moore does a reverse swan-dive through a glass table just as Piven, in the heat of passion, accidentally impales the hooker with a towel rack through the back of her head. A security guard comes to check on the noise, seems appeased, but catches a glimpse of the dead prostitute on his way out and finds himself on the business end of a corkscrew to the heart for his troubles, courtesy of the deranged Slater. And then, things really start to go downhill.

Yet, somehow, nary a donkey show.

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